Next Thursday can't get here soon enough. I'm in a straight-up rut. I know I've been complaining about this a lot, and I don't want to sound like a bitch, but it's just what's prevalent in my mind. I can't get my lackadaisical ass out of bed ever ... like no matter what time I sleep, I can't get up before 2:30. Today I missed classes #4 and #5 in a row. This carries over from yesterday - 5 straight classes I haven't been to. Ok, that shit aside, my mother yelled at me today for asking for a financial stipend for my upcoming trip to Miami. Apparently I'm an awful son who takes our financial situation for granted and blah blah blah. Fuck that shit. I'm busting my ass trying to save my mother an entire semester's worth of tuition, plus (up til this semester) I have been killing in school while pursuing extra-curricular activities that draw my interest. I don't do drugs, I don't steal, I'm going to a prestigious university, fuck. Neither of my brothers have graduated college; one is 27 without a college degree, one is 17 without a high school diploma or an aspiration to go to college. I don't want any gratitude or special treatment from my parents -- I AM NOT A SPOILED FUCKING BRAT -- I just want some understanding to arise between me and my mother that I shouldn't be expected to do anything more or less than what her other children do. I have weight on my shoulders, people, for real. I try my best to hide it but it's hard. I don't feel like I am being placed upon the same plateau as those around me, particularly my brothers, and while I feel honored to be a source of high expectation, my mother has to understand that I feel a little bit pressured. All I get when I talk to her is her screaming of my wild expenditures and how much trouble I'm giving them financially. And I suck for that -- but this higher learning thing, albeit expensive and trying, is MY future. Sadly, I'm the only son who can say that. Ma, I love you, but please, know that I, too, need to cut corners and that I, too, need to have fun.

Money can tear people apart, I tell ya.

Miami FOR DAYS. Let's make it fucking crazy ... holla if you hear me.